Learn to spot which one is driving your daily actions, and why it matters.
My Story –
About 2 weeks ago, I was sitting at the kitchen table with my laptop and a hot chai latte. The afternoon light came in through the curtains, the puppy was at my feet, and I could hear Lara working on her piano practice upstairs.
It should have been a peaceful moment but frustration bubbled up from inside me. I gripped by favorite mug and stared blankly at the kitchen cabinets.
“Why isn’t this piece working?” grumbling to myself I looked over the post I had edited, rewritten, and reworked yet again. It still wasn’t right and felt flat.
“I will not waste this afternoon.” my muttering got a look from puppy like: “you okay?” 🐶. I took a deep breath and set down my mug..
“I will start with a fresh post draft and something new” I decided.
I had gotten this random idea the night before while scrolling TikTok and solutions kept coming back to me in full sentences. Organized learning for myself, personal growth with a curriculum, a nerdy college style plan for my downtime.
Will anyone want to read this or be interested? I had no idea. But I was compelled to write it and so I decided to go with it. That writing session felt life-giving and fulfilling. Fresh energy quickly came back in my body as I typed. This post felt more like me.
A few days later I set aside perfection hitting publish in the scheduler. I hoped it was meaningful to my readers. Then I went about my day… cleaning, making dinner, and the next morning doing homeschooling lessons.
I was shocked the next afternoon when I saw how many times it had been shared and viewed. (it is currently at over 1.8k!!🎉)
I realized my imperfect post on just the right topic had helped people more than polished words ever could. I am so thankful I had stopped the perfection monster and listened to my gut about what to post.1
Have you ever noticed how similar excellence and perfection can look on the surface?
Perfection has been a companion nagging parasite in my life for as long as I can remember. It comes with being a type-A personality, the firstborn daughter, almost the oldest grandkid, and raised by parents with high standards.
I have been fighting the opposites of excellence and perfection most of my life.
Both involve working hard, setting goals, and paying attention to the details of life. But beneath the surface, the motivation is completely different.
One lifts you up, the other tears you down.
One grows out of security, the other out of fear.
Let’s look at them closely with some examples from my own life.
.
Excellence –
When we strive for excellence we push ourselves to be the best version of who we are in all areas of our lives.
This looks like:
- decluttering our homes so that clutter does not cause us emotional frustration and distract us from what we want to spend our time on.
- creating routines in our days that help us be healthy versions of ourselves: eating with moderation and variety, daily exercise, journaling, weekly planning, and cleaning our homes so they are functional.
- investing in quality relationships that support what matters to us and the growth mindset we are working on.
- adding variety to our days. Prioritizing days of rest and adventure along with deep work and pushing ourselves on our goals.
- being intentional with the family and people in your home. Cultivating relationships that are loving, understanding, and supportive. (This takes daily sacrifice and giving others heaps of grace when they are difficult.)
- comparing myself only to what I have been able to do before. Not looking at others to set a standard in a particular area.
- being respected and loved by those close to me. The relationships where I spend most of my time are mutual and kind. I feel fully like myself and safe.
Perfection, on the other hand, is a trap.
.
Perfection –
Perfection often comes from expectations from others or trying to please others with what we do.
This looks like:
- setting standards that are not sustainable or realistically achievable because “it is never good enough”.
- comparing our lives, homes, jobs, wardrobes, or morning routines to others online not for inspiration but to feel better about how well we are doing or to prove to ourselves that we are never enough.
- having a fixed mindset. (Which is the belief that intelligence, talents, and other abilities are static and unchangeable.) People with a fixed mindset tend to avoid challenges, give up easily, view effort as a sign of weakness, and fear failure.
- looking at all the checkmarks on the To Do list and having a sinking feeling that I will never be able to do it all and that failure is unescapable.
- letting things pile up for months, not being able to invite people over because I feel shame about how my house looks, not knowing where things are in the mess…
- overthinking and procrastinating because I want to do it “the right way”.
- being unable to fully be myself in a majority of my close relationships because I am trying to people please or I have set the expectations that I do not have my own needs.
So what’s the core difference between these opposites?
The actions can look the same on the outside, but the inner motivations are the key.
#1 – Identity
Striving for excellence instead of perfection comes from a place of identity that is secure and solid in who you are.
For me this is deeply linked to my faith and belief that I am a child of God loved by Him before I was even worthy of it. It is a gift of grace and love that I do not deserve. I get the comfort of the Holy Spirit guiding me on the days I push myself and also the love and security when I am grieving or sick and can’t function.
For others I know the identity piece comes from a knowledge in who they are and where they are headed. They are often deeply rooted in their family they came from or how their identity was formed in childhood. Or it could be from a different faith background.
However you create that foundation of your identity, that becomes your base for your personal growth.
If your foundation is not solid, growth will be difficult.
But if you are confident in who you are, then pushing for excellence in all areas becomes a series of steps and goals.
The intimidating mountain can be climbed one mile at a time.
#2 – Inner Dialog
The longest and most intimate relationship that you will have in this life is with yourself, make it a good one.
I don’t think we need to get weird about it or take it to extremes that go into the territories of narcissism or selfishness. But we do need to intentionally approach the relationship with ourselves the same way we would with a close friend.
What are my actions?
- Do I infuse self-kindness into my decisions? Or do I set myself up for failure?
- How do I treat my future self? Do I plan ahead or do I make messes I will have to clean up later?
- How is my boundary setting with people and situations that want too much from me?
How I speak to myself matters.
- Am I encouraging and supportive when life is hard?
- Do I focus on blame and shame or do I give myself grace?
- What do I worry over? What repetitive phrases do I think?
I used to speak to myself in really ugly ways. My inner dialog was more like an angry tyrant trying to bully me into perfection. It was harsh and unkind.
Switching my inner soundtracks was one of the most effective things I did in my burnout recovery.
**This book by Jon Acuff was super helpful! Loved the audiobook.🎧
“Your brain is waiting for you each day. It’s waiting to be told what to think. It’s waiting to see what kind of soundtracks you’ll choose.
― Jon Acuff, Soundtracks: The Surprising Solution to Overthinking
It’s waiting to see if you really want to build a different life”
If this gave you something to think about, subscribing is a simple way to stay connected.
Action Steps –
How to Move Toward Excellence:
- Check your motivation. When you’re working hard at something, ask: “Am I doing this from security or fear?”
- Declutter your thoughts. Write down the negative soundtracks you hear most often, then rewrite them into life-giving phrases.
- Focus on one step at a time. Excellence grows gradually; choose one habit or one area of growth to focus on this week.
- Practice grace daily. With yourself and others. It will keep you from slipping into perfectionism.
A Kind Reminder
Excellence isn’t about being flawless. It’s about becoming who you were made to be and enjoying the best version of yourself right now, in this season.
I dive deeper into themes like this in my book Subtle Resistance.
It’s a gentle guide for choosing growth, rest, and purpose in a world that often demands too much.
You don’t have to carry the crushing weight of perfection.
Instead, you can build a life rooted in security, joy, and steady growth.
One imperfect step at a time.
🌿I am cheering for you!
1 Full disclosure: I also did some overthinking on this post as well… 😜
