What happened in London and the changes I made to my life when I came home. (book excerpt)
This is a freebie excerpt from my book!
Where we left off.
I had done so much work in major areas of my life, but something was still missing. I still felt stuck. I felt that no matter what changes I made things would never change. The rest of my adult life would be an endless loop of exhaustion.
And then I went to London…
See this post if you missed Part 1.
chapter 1 – my burnout story (continued)
It was July of 2019, and my teenaged daughter and I had the opportunity to go on a trip with my favorite aunt and cousins. The itinerary was full of amazing sights, steeped in history, and time spent with wonderful people. But for me, it was more than a vacation. It was transformative!
Boarding the plane and flying for 9 hours was the most stressful thing I had done in a long time. I felt anxious, nauseous, trapped in that tiny seat, and unable to sleep or read. Exhausted. My mind reeled with what-if scenarios. I was a freaking mess. I worried that this trip was too much for me.
On our first full day, we got a personal tour of Kew Gardens from my cousin who was living there with his family. This is one of the world’s top botanical gardens[1] and is 300 acres, located in the Richmond area in the suburbs of London. It is expansive and diverse, with so much green. Such a radical contrast from the dry, brown Arizona desert. Flowers bloomed everywhere, lakes shimmered, trees towered overhead, and history whispered from every corner, filling me with awe.
I cannot fully describe it in words, but God met me there. In the midst of the amazingly tall trees and lush greenery, I felt a hardened layer of my heart crack open. The gentleness and kindness of God wrapped around me. For the first time in years, I felt loved, strong, and seen by Him. I saw the impossible standards of perfection I held myself to. I realized I had been trying to fit myself into a mold made by others and not my loving Creator who knows me best.
That first day of our trip was a new beginning for me in my burnout recovery.
Going to London, I was able to step back from my very busy life. From the demands of being a mom to four kids and a teacher of many more. I had space from my overfilled schedule that was meeting everyone else’s needs but not my own. Even daily basic tasks like the dishes, laundry, and cleaning were set aside for days filled with walking, having deep conversations, and laughing.
I had healthy breakfasts every day, amazing salads, and I enjoyed fancy lattes. I saw buildings I had only imagined when I read British novels in high school. We walked in Hyde Park, saw the Westminster Cathedral and Buckingham Palace, walked over the Millennium Bridge, and saw the Globe Theater.[2] I was filled with a sense of awe all day long. My racing thoughts slowed, and I became very observant of my surroundings. For the first time in a long while I was fully present and in the moment.
In my life at home, I had gotten bogged down in the urgent and unimportant.
I had lost what truly mattered to me and my voice. Getting space from relationships and my schedule was what I needed. I am very stubborn and needed an extreme change in my surroundings to wake me up. To bring me back to myself and to my Creator. It was the full emotional and mental reset that I needed.
I felt everything within me shift to a new perspective.
When I arrived home, I felt like a different version of myself. My husband noticed immediately, and this brought us closer. We could communicate clearly and problem-solve together. My kids loved how relaxed I was and how much patience I had gained from my new identity in God. I valued time with my family in a new way. I was reminded how precious these years of raising kids can be. I had somehow lost sight of that in the crushing amount of daily activities and running a big, busy home.
I was renewed by the peace and the reset I had experienced.
I found the “old me” that had been buried for years. She loves to be in nature, laugh, write, and see the world as an optimistic beautiful place. Old April enjoys a quiet homelife with a focus on the seasons. She reads books, talks about ideas, and journals her thoughts. She cherishes her children and values time with them. She knows her identity and worth are not set to standards by other people.
I knew I could find my way back to her. I longed to be that person again.
I realized that perfection and pleasing other people had taken precedence over my personality and who I’ve been uniquely created to be. I had lost sight of myself. I had adjusted my daily actions and internal expectations to fit what was good for others. All the while I had been feeling depleted and resentful. Old April loves people and cares deeply about their hurts and needs. But she also draws healthy boundaries and communicates clearly. I wanted to be that version of myself.
My schedule was still way too much, and my household tasks were still overwhelming at times. But I retained that strength and calm from those gardens in London. I continued to make changes. Now I could easily see what wasn’t working for me. I had the confidence and mental clarity to decide what could be different.
When I returned home, I still had much to do and many draining care tasks. But I was learning how to do those in a way that felt like me again. I returned to trusting my loving God and my intuition[3] to get me through the day. I stopped listening to doubt, fear, and perfectionism. I quieted my negative internal dialog with journaling.
The high school version of me, who was an avid reader and loved learning new things, came alive again. I now had the energy to approach my life in a new way, and motivation to find different answers. My reading stack became my constant companion. I continued to find solutions to my burnout.
My eyes were opened to the beauty, amazing relationships, and peace within my own home that I had not seen clearly. I had a new purpose, and clarity on what matters to me the most.
My confidence grew and blossomed over that next year, one small broken part at a time.
I look at that version of myself from January 2019 and see so much frustration and pain. I am thankful for all the hard work, change, and the grace of God in the past five years. I continue to come up against my limits and face challenges, but now I know there is a way out. I have hope and resilience that I didn’t before.
“The voice of fear that I’d listened to wasn’t a friend, it was a foe, and in trying to knock me off course, it showed its true colors.” – Jon Acuff[4]
I wish that beautiful transformation for you as well.
My desire is that you do not have to run away to another continent to get clarity on your life. That you will experience transformation in your backyard, on a local walking path, or in the pages of this book.
I wish I had taken the time to slow down and do some reflection in the years before it all hit the fan. Instead, I let it all boil over until I was getting sick, damaging relationships, and wanting to torch it all. The life that I had carefully built felt like a box I had stuffed myself into. I couldn’t see what needed to change.
“We live in a fast-paced world in faster times than ever before and, if we allow it, our days become defined by stress, overwhelm, and a kind of autopilot… [we will experience] the unease, the itchy brain, the sleepless nights, the creeping sense that you are off your track.”- Jessica Elefante [5]
I have found tons of practical tools over the years that have made my life better. In the chapters ahead, I will share those with you in the hopes that you can avoid overwhelm and burnout. If you are currently in that difficult place, I will provide a variety of ideas to get you out of it! While this book may not describe or share details about my faith journey, it is full of hope and encouragement.
I’m rooting for you! I want you to be in that beautiful place of confidence, hope, resilience, and calm. No matter what is happening in this unpredictable world, you can have clarity. You can show up as the best version of yourself and make a difference.
So, what are we choosing to resist? What in our daily lives can we change?
Let’s start with what is broken so we can create tools to fix the problems we face.
Footnotes:
[1] If you have a chance to wander around in a botanical garden, I highly recommend it. One of my favorites is in Cheyenne, Wyoming. I was surprised by the beauty and variety there (and admission was free!).
[2] It was so exciting to walk around in historical places that I have seen on the news, in movies, and in the history lessons I have taught. The Tower of London was a highlight.
[3] My intuition – the best way to train this inner voice is with scripture. Philippians and Romans are my favorite books of the Bible to read for practical next steps.
[4] Jon Acuff. Start – Punch Fear in the Face, Escape Average, Do Work that Matters. (Ramsey Press, 2019, audiobook) chap. 3 – This book showed me many areas where I had been listening to perfection instead of moving forward.
[5] Jessica Elefante: Raising Hell, Living Well. (New York, Ballantine Books, 2023) I found this must read while looking for book comps. Elefante shares a behind the curtain look at advertising, influence, and how we often blindly follow others. I seriously couldn’t put it down! I feel like our books make excellent friends.
