As an overachiever, I can be my own enemy. My own critic who raises expectations. I constantly move the finish line after I accomplish a goal or a difficult milestone.
I do not stop and enjoy the achievement.
I tell myself that I will.
I say to myself in the hard moments when I have to lean in and press forward that I will enjoy the victory. But the raw vulnerable truth is that I do NOT.
I cross the finish line and then immediately set out on the next race.
Moving toward a goal is hard work. To make progress we must press forward, make sacrifices, and put in the extra effort.
What is the Moving Finish Line?
Often the same people who are really good at goal setting and making progress are terrible at enjoying the end result. I am definitely one of those people. Here are my favorite metaphors that have helped me gain some self-knowledge in this area.
The runner:
We run the marathon, push forward into the hard, and cross over the finish line. Do we stop and enjoy what we have done? Do we reflect on the race with all its mistakes and also personal accomplishments?
No. We move the end of the race.
Now it is another 20 or 30 miles down the road. Pick up the pace. Don’t lose your stride. Keep pushing forward.
Why would someone do that? That sounds so silly for a runner to do in a real race. So why do we do that in our goal setting and in our planning?
The hiker:
We climb the mountain and then do not stop to enjoy the view.
I have a love/hate relationship with hiking. I love being in nature, seeing vistas, and getting to the destination. But I am also bothered by the lack of bathrooms, I get stressed by the unpredictable events of hiking with kids, and I have a fear of falling on sharp rocks.
When I spend time hiking somewhere I want to stop and enjoy the view along the way. I want to take lots of snack breaks and water breaks. I want to notice random trees and take pictures of native plants. I do not want to conquer the trail just to turn around and quickly walk back. I enjoy going slow and savoring the experience.
What is happening in these scenarios? Why does this make sense in these examples but are so hard in real-life accomplishments? What is driving this need to constantly be pressing forward?
- What does this moving finish line look like for you?
- Are there specific areas that you tend to do this? Work, home, parenting…?
I ran on the cross country team in high school. Running was a way for me to find friends, learn about my limits, develop endurance, and do something that was just me. Every day at practice we would stretch as a team and then head out on a trail near our high school. We would run 3 to 5 miles every day. On Saturday practices we would run 6 or 7 miles.
What I loved about cross-country was the individuality of the sport. I was the only one who could run my miles. There was no sitting on the bench or letting anyone else do the hard work. I had to step up and do it. When I crossed the finish line my team and an audience were there cheering for me. Everyone cheers for individual runners, no matter how far behind you are, or what jersey you are wearing. Parents from other teams were just as encouraging to us as they were for their home team.
I also enjoyed the bus ride back after a race. We would talk about the trail, our individual scores, what went wrong, what we did well, and the other teams we were up against. I didn’t realize it at the time but I was learning the steps for healthy celebration and reflection.
Reaching goals is only half of the process.
We also need to celebrate the wins.
Reaching goals is only half of the process. We also need to celebrate the wins.
I need to learn how to celebrate accomplishments well. I am terrible at this. My version of “celebration” includes sitting down with blank paper and making new goals to move forward.
Yes, that is needed and that is one of the next steps. It is important that we all move forward in what we do. Being stagnant does not help anyone. But… I am skipping steps by jumping straight into planning.
I am skipping reflection and celebration.
Reflection
Reaching goals requires a tremendous amount of effort. Just like my high school running days, I have to choose to put my head down and press forward. I often have to choose the uncomfortable and the hard in order to move things forward. I do well in these situations. My capacity for stepping up and doing the hard thing is constantly growing. Anyone that knows me personally will agree that “lazy” is not a word that could be used to describe me.
However, in pushing forward to the next thing I often forget to acknowledge what I have gotten done. I don’t give myself credit for the times that I stay up late, or give someone my time and energy. I only have a long To-Do List that will never actually be completed.
Reflection is helping me change that.
I am learning how to stop, slow down, and acknowledge what I have done. I am able to see where I am going.
– I write Ta-Da lists. (more about these here and here)
– I use my Next Right Thing Journal.
– I share with a friend what I have been working on and text before and after pictures. (More about that here.)
– I also use this guided reflection process that I found in this podcast.
- What do you do for reflection?
- How do you mark an end?
- Where do you keep notes of what is happening in a new beginning?
- What is your favorite way to think back about what has happened in this last season?
Celebration
Often for goals to be met we have to be on our own. We have to do the hard steps alone, in the office, out on the trail, or in our decision-making. But the act of celebration is best done in community. It can be hard to celebrate alone.
Things worth celebrating:
- milestones
- goals met
- years completed
- at the end of the school year
- after a major project
- progress made
I really struggle with this one. So I would love to hear your ideas.
- What do you enjoy doing for celebration?
- Who do you celebrate with?
- Who do you know that celebrates well? What is it that they do that makes celebration fun?
- Where do you go to celebrate?
Often our lives can feel so complicated. More tasks and more responsibility stacked on what we already are trying to hold. It can be very overwhelming.
Pastor Robert gave an awesome visual of what that looks like in our society. See this: How to Step off the Treadmill
We can choose to stop. We can slow down and celebrate. Sometimes we just need to acknowledge what is good around us and in our homes. We need to ignore the task lists for an afternoon so that we can recalibrate to what really matters.
My capacity for stepping up and doing the hard thing is constantly growing. I also need to acknowledge what I have gotten done. I need to slow down and spend time in reflection.
Reaching goals is only half of the process. I need to learn how to celebrate our accomplishments well.
Let’s stop moving the finish line. Let’s look at the view and enjoy the achievement of the climb.
Best Wishes – April
Photos from Daniel Bech and others on Unsplash
More about Ta-Da Lists and Productivity:
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