Life in the past few months has been exceptionally hard. This season that I am in right now is full of days where I wake up and just focus on the next few hours. In my house there are interrupted schedules, strong emotions, and lots of family.
I am not ready to write about my exact situation yet, but I am sure that you can relate. I am sure that you have had times recently (or maybe right now) when things are HARD. Not just the regular, life sucks kind… but the really deeply frustrating kind.
The season where everything feels upside down and what was working is not anymore.
I had a conversation with a friend recently that made me realize I needed some tools to help me stay sane. What I had been doing was okay, but not good. And I felt like I was getting farther away from myself. Like I was being swept away by a strong current. I needed something to anchor me in reality that was outside of my difficult circumstances.
I realize that what I am writing about today is nothing new. But sometimes what is most effective is what we already know. The key for me lately has been DOING IT. Actually getting out my pen and paper. Taking the time to breathe deep and write the lists out. It’s hard at first. The first few words take time to get out of my head and onto the page. It’s not pretty to watch… But then the magic happens.
As I focus on these ideas my brain starts searching through my day looking for moments. The hard and difficult parts fade a little and I can see the beauty that was there. My focus changes and different things come into view.
The overview of the lists that are helping me stay sane:
Self-Care List
- What am I doing to take care of myself so that I can give to others?
- How am I eating, resting, excising, and what am I reading today?
Connections/Relationships List
- What are some small ways that I am connecting with my kids and my husband?
- Who has reached out, been compassionate, or shown me kindness today?
- Who have I enjoyed talking with today?
Thankful/Gratitude List
- What are some blessing and good things that I can focus on?
- Where and what have I seen today that made me smile?
- Small moments that I am happy to enjoy.
Ta-Da List
- What tasks have I gotten done today?
- What household cleaning, school lessons, errands, small projects, or work have I done today?
- Every small task counts!
Self-Care List –
I cannot serve others well if I have nothing to give. I must have the emotional and physical capacity to handle the difficult situations I am in. My (coffee) cup needs to be filled first.😉 Am I right?
At the top of my Self-Care List is spending time in the Bible and time alone with God. If I have time and direction from Him then I know what to focus on. Everything else falls into place in a logical way. When I experience God’s love, grace, and kindness then I can give it to others.
I also ask myself:
- What am I doing to take care of myself so that I can give to others?
- How am I eating, resting, excising, and what am I reading today?
Sometimes self-care is just something super practical like eating veggies, taking a nap, or sitting in the quiet with a book for 15 minutes.
Here is some of my basic Physical Health self-care checklist items:
- Drink a tall glass of cold water.
- Get up and do some stretches and roll my shoulders, touch my toes.
- Take 5 deep breaths. Breathe. Hold. Breathe. Fill my diaphragm fully.
- Have I taken my B12 vitamins today? Did I take my multivitamin last night?
- Go give each kid a big hug and way too many kisses. Hold Kyle and snuggle.
- Do I need sleep? Can I nap right now or how can I get better sleep tonight?
- Have I eaten fresh fruits and veggies today? Eat a banana, a salad, or an apple.
- Wash my face with cold water. Redo my hair.
- Change my shirt or pants. Am I wearing something uncomfortable?
- Have I done something to raise my heart rate? Go for a fast walk, do 3 sets of stairs, or do some squats.
What does Self-Care look like for you? Do you have a list that you use when you can’t think straight?
Connections/Relationships List –
Who we connect with matters. Who we spend time with shapes who we are, how we see the world, what we think, and how we feel about ourselves. Taking the time to really talk with my kids is important to me. I want to have meaningful conversations with them. I want to end my day with Jim sharing ideas, making plans, and being together in a non-rushed way.
I actually connect with my family more often than I give myself credit for. I do take time each day to listen, to snuggle, to read aloud, or play a game. Having a list of those moments is super helpful for me when the mom-guilt starts creeping in.
My friendships and close relationships are very important to me. Sometimes its over a cup of coffee, or a heartfelt talk, often it’s a text, or a quick conversation at church. I may not have extra time right now to see them or hang out for the afternoon, but I can do something small. I can keep that connection alive.
Writing down these moments has been meaningful to me. It reminds me that I do have kind friends in my corner who care. I feel loved by their acts of kindness. I stop expecting big grand gestures (from myself and from others). I am more appreciative and grateful. My friends have busy lives too.
Thankful/Gratitude List
I have to be fully honest and say that I totally roll my eyes when someone says “Gratitude List”. Like really?? There can be a complete denial of reality so that they can pretend everything is cheery and great. Well it’s not. That approach that some people take really gets under my skin. Sometimes life is just hard. And no amount of “Thankfulness” can take away that hard. Real gratitude is not about lying to ourselves.
However, I have discovered recently that in the midst of hard things there is still good. There are moments when I can relax and enjoy my kids laughing, or the sunset, homemade cookies, reading on the couch, or a delicious dinner grilled by my husband. The rest of the day might have been filled with chaos and unexpected emotions but, those brief moments were good. And I do believe that acknowledging those bright spots is a good practice.
“…make gratitude a habit, by using the following recipe:
After I complain I will say something I am thankful for.”
“Once I started paying attention, I realized that I was actually complaining quite a lot, often without any awareness.”from Effortless by Greg McKeown p.61
The unofficial #4 – The Ta-Da List
This list it is also unofficially part of my routine. A Ta-Da list is simply a list of big and small tasks that have been completed that day or that week.
Reflection helps me look at the past in a new way. I am learning how to stop, slow down, and acknowledge what I have done. Then I am able to see where I am going.
The concept of a Ta-Da List was first introduced to me by Gretchen Rubin. My Ta-Da lists become valuable information for me to move forward. (more about these here and here)
How to make a Ta-Da List –
- Be very practical and write out what you have spent time on.
- Give yourself credit for every small thing!
- Relationship & connection tasks count too.
- Thinking and processing can go here as well.
“The most important thing is to know ourselves,
and what works for us.”
A prayer for those hurting and overwhelmed:
A Little Prayer for You:
Lord Jesus, I pray for the one reading this article today. God, You are the only one that knows what is happening in their life. But I know that You’re holding them in your hands. That You are wrapping Your loving arms around each person and comforting them in ways that only You know how, Jesus.
Help us to see You in the midst of difficult times. Help us to hear Your voice louder than our circumstances. Help us to see You moving in the small beautiful moments. Give the people around us courage to stand beside us in our pain. To not try to fix it but to just acknowledge the hard.
As we write our lists show us Your kindness. Show us Your grace, Jesus. Give us eyes to see the beauty around us. Give us quiet moments to hear Your heart.
We trust You in the pain. We trust You in the midst of the storm.
Amen.
Know that you are not alone. We all have circumstances that push us beyond what we can handle. I hope that by taking these moments for reflection and list-making you can find some peace.
💙🍁Have a beautiful day – April
P.S. – This post was written in November of 2021. While it is from a few months ago, it still feels very relevant to my life today. So I hope that it is helpful to you.
Photos by Maddi Bazzocco, Kitera Dent, Rachel Strong, Ann,
Julia Zolotova, Jess Bailey, Annie Spratt and others on Unsplash
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